F**K YOU, Tivo!!!

Note: the following does contain some offensive language, but I think the message is important enough that it should be included on the public explore pages.

If there was an alternative DVR service that didn't require me knowing linux or have a cable account, I would drop Tivo with a satisfying, "Have a nice day, douchebags." This is bordering on Verizon-hatred levels of animosity. Tivo has demonstrated some of the worst customer service policies I have ever had to deal with. And this is me, who just a couple months ago was a giant Tivo fanboy.

What changed?

With baseball season coming up, I wanted to switch to a dual-tuner box so I could watch games and my favorite television shows without having to worry about conflicts. That, plus a great promotional deal for 80-hour dual-tuners at the time was enough for me. I guess I should have listened to that lame-ass adage "if at ain't broke, don't fix it" (yeah, doesn't make much sense in our upgrade-rapid world). Anyway, two weeks after receiving the unit, one of the tuners decided it didn't like receiving color. This led to the first hour-long conversation, which resulted in a "your unit is malfunctioning and needs to be replaced." No shit.

Here's where I encountered my first problem with Tivo's customer service policies. In order to get them to replace your broken unit (which, I have to add, is entirely their fault), you need to either ship them back your unit, wait for them to receive it, wait for them to ship you one, and there you've got it. OR, you need to buy another Tivo, send the busted one back when you receive your new one, and get refunded the money. After being pretty incredulous over this policy, I ended up forking over the $200 (more than I paid for it originally) just so I could expedite this whole process (should be added that here we are, three weeks later and I'm still struggling with the broken one).

Time passes. No Tivo received. I check the tracking number. Out for delivery. Then, unable to deliver package, returned to sender. RETURNED TO SENDER! One and a half weeks and "returned to sender." Here we go again. "Hello, Tivo, no, I'm not calling about your new Series 3 Tivo DVR, but thanks for asking." Another hour+ conversation. I explain the situation, they apologize, then tell me that as soon as the unit is returned by DHL (btw, fuck them, too), they'll resend it. What's the reason it didn't get returned? My apartment number wasn't given to DHL for some reason. Why did that happen? "We're not sure, sir." My response? "Can I talk to your supervisor?"

Second problem with Tivo's customer service policy: "We cannot authorize another Tivo to be sent to you until we receive the one already sent, or you purchase another." Yes, a third Tivo. $400 over what I had originally paid! I have never yelled at customer service on the phone. It's not their fault, they're just working within the framework of their company. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but this time, I yelled. I couldn't stop myself. That policy was simply crazy!  It wasn't shipped because of their admitted mistake. They even looked up the package, saw that it was coming back, and STILL couldn't authorize a new one to be overnighted. So in the end, I decided to wait for the package to be returned and have the new one "overnighted." Oh, and I'd write a letter.

Now I guess DHL's idea of "overnight shipping" is a bit of a misnomer, because it was sent out on the 15th and the thing still hasn't arrived (it's the 18th, for those of you keeping track). I'm not exactly sure why it didn't make it on the 16th, but yesterday and today, it was returned to their warehouse because they couldn't leave it without being signed for. Only, the package was shipped was the explicit instructions: "SIGNATURE NOT REQUIRED." It was even written in all caps, like that. Sigh... but I should have known. Policy problems again. "We are not allowed to deliver a package without a signature in an apartment building."

After three weeks, the Tivo box (the half working one that we're still struggling with and have managed to "trick" to get it to record the more important things in color) has decided that service on it has expired. It won't record. It won't let us browse the guide. It won't let us do anything change the channel. You know, something that a Tivo isn't really required for. We learned this last night, when loading up the season finale of Grey's. It's not a great feeling when you go to look for something on the DVR and find that it's not there. After these past weeks with Tivo, it was the proverbial straw.

The service ran out on the current machine because it was transferred to the new one; the same one that has not been able to make it into the apartment for a while now. It has taken so long for them to deliver it that the box that was barely working now doesn't work at all. If I was good at ASCII drawing, I'd paint a giant middle finger, staring right at their goofy television icon.

Change those policies

I guess every rant needs a call to action or it's just a rant. I guess mine would be that Tivo needs to seriously revisit some of their customer service policies (DHL, too, but I'm not even going to get into that other than to advise against ever using the second rate service, anyway). Replacements due to defective units should not require another purchase by the customer; the fault lies with Tivo, not their customer, and thus the responsibility to make it right should be taken by Tivo, too (especially if the customer has been such a loyal one for so many years). Furthermore, if the customer must pay $200 of his own money just to expedite the process, then that Tivo needs to be delivered ASAP. $200 may not be much to some, but it can be a great deal to others.

These aren't the lone problems with Tivo's current policies. For example, when upgrading my Tivo box to a dual-tuner, I needed to actually cancel my old account and start a new one because there was no way to actually transfer the new box onto my original. Any Tivo reward points I may have had (of which I had none) would have been lost.

If you are a Tivo customer service agent, my sincere apologies to you for anyone who may have yelled or berated you--as I imagine this happens all the time with the way your company is running things. It's not your fault, but if that company can get a giant Tivo nerd like me to hate them so much, I'm not sure how long your company can last.